I sometimes hear from wives who have made the decision to stay with their husband after he has had an affair. Many of these wives have doubts as to whether or not this is a sound decision. tubit.com review They worry if their spouse is worth their trust in him. They worry that although he's claiming that he is going to change, he won't be able to actually do this.
A wife might explain it this way:
"my husband has never cheated on me for all of our thirty year marriage.
However, last month, I found out that he has been cheating on me with a woman
who works at a bar he has started going to. The thing is, my husband is a huge
flirt. He is a touchy feely type of person. And this has never really gotten
him into trouble before because quite frankly, women were never all that
interested in him. But recently, my husband came into some money and every one
in town knows about this. So now of course, women are more likely to have an
interest in him. The thing is, my husband has been this way all of his life -
even as a child. His mother and brothers act exactly the same way. They are
just outgoing people who love connecting with others. They expect the best of
people. They are somewhat naive, I suppose. Of course, people can take this the
wrong way and think there is an interest when really, my husband is just being
polite. tubit.com I'm afraid
that women are going to start approaching him because of his personality. I'm
not saying that my husband has any bad intention with his personality,
especially since this is the way he has always been. But, I think that women
looking for money might use his personality to approach him. And I have told my
husband as much. I have some hesitation of trying to save our marriage when I
am worried we are going to keep going through this again and again. My husband
says he can and will change. He says that he won't be as friendly anymore. He
says he won't approach people that he doesn't know well and he will be on his
guard with every one. I really want to believe this. But that would require my
husband to change who he is. That would require for him to change his entire
personality, at least when it relates to people. Is this even possible? Can a
person change his personality to keep from cheating again?"
I believe that this is somewhat
possible and I will tell you why. To a certain extent, we all know someone who
has implemented changes in their life due them seeing a risk in their current
habits. tubit We've all
seen people change their marriages, their health, and their bad habits when
that thing seemed to be at risk.
For example, my mother was a smoker
for almost thirty years. For the past decade, her health has been bad. Various
doctors have worked with her to help her quit smoking. Nothing worked. She
would quit for only a short period of time and then be right back at it, even
though she knew this was significantly shortening her life span. My mother has
the type of personality where she needs her crutches. Frankly, myself and the
rest of my family had given up hope that my mother would ever change.
Well, one winter my mother came
down with a severe case of pneumonia. Breathing become very difficult for her
and this was made worse because of the shape of her smoker's lungs. It upset my
children to see her that way and to see her struggling for breathe. In fact,
for some time, we didn't know if she would ever recover.
Well, she did recover. And once she
did, she hasn't had another cigarette - ever. Experiencing the sensation of not
being able to breathe and being faced with the possibility of losing her life
was the motivation my mother needed to stop a life long bad habit.
Many of us have known people who
were horrible eaters and who didn't exercise who had a health crisis and then
completely changed their lifestyle. This isn't uncommon. In essence, there is a
stimulus that "scares them straight."
I certainly think that is possible
in this case. Many people change the way that they approach their marriage
after an affair. Once there is the threat that the marriage might be taken
away, they take much better care to not take it for granted and to treat it
well.
I think it's completely possible
that the fear of losing you and the marriage could be in the back of your
husband's mind as he interacts with others. Granted, he may still have the urge
to connect with others. And really, there isn't anything wrong with this,
especially since it has always been his personality. But, what has changed is
that he must now become more aware of how his personality might get him into
trouble and put him at risk. That is the real difference.
He's not likely to change who he
is. But he might become more aware of the consequences for how he approaches
and reacts to other people. And he must become aware of how to back away when
he senses that a line might be crossed. Because that truly is the difference.
There are plenty of friendly and outgoing men out there (even those who have
money) that don't cheat. And the reason is that they've learned how to remove
themselves from a situation that they know is inappropriate as soon as it
crosses the line.
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