Sometimes, when a spouse is confronted with the indisputable facts that he is having an affair and there is a demand for more an explanation, one of the justifications or excuses that he will give you is: "but I didn't mean to have an affair. There was nothing malicious about this." tubit.com review And he will say this quite seriously and he will be completely sincere. Which will leave you evaluating if this fact means anything at all.
A wife might say: "I caught my
husband cheating on me with our hair dresser. We have both been going to this
woman for years. I have always liked her. I do not understand how this could
have happened. Since she cuts my hair, she knows me very well. She knows that
we have a family. There are times when I feel like I hate them both. My husband
can not give me any plausible explanation as to how and why this happened. He
says that it has only been going on for about a month and that he has no
problems ending it. One thing that he is saying over and over is that he didn't
walk into the salon with the intentions of having an affair. His phrasing about
is something like: 'I want you to know that I didn't mean to have an affair. I
didn't intentionally set out to hurt you. I still don't know how I let it
happen tubit.com but I did
not plan it or intent for it to ever happen.' He says this like it's a very
important fact and like this should make him less culpable. Honestly, it
doesn't matter all that much to me. Should it? Should I take this into
account?"
Well, I suppose if we're all being
honest, we would rather the affair have "just happened" than having
the knowledge that our husbands have been on one of those websites where both
parties are trolling the internet and actively looking for someone with whom to
cheat. Or, that our husbands have been going to bars in the hopes of picking
someone up. So I can see why husbands will throw this out there. They want you
to know that they were not actively pursuing cheating.
However, I have to tell you that
very few people wake up in the morning and think: "boy, just look at the
weather outside. I think that this is a good day to cheat. I think that this is
the day that I will turn my life upside down."
Most men will tell you that they
didn't intend to cheat, but that doesn't mean that they didn't do it. And that
doesn't mean tubit that their
lack of intentions means that your marriage is less damaged. Regardless of what
they meant, they did cheat and you are now dealing with the aftermath of infidelity
regardless of anyone's intentions.
So while it might be a little
comforting to know that he never meant for it to happen, it did happen. And it
happened more than once. Which means that he had time to process the first
mistake and then instead of telling the other woman that they crossed an awful
line and they must stop immediately, he went back.
I am not saying that you can not
heal from this. People do it all of the time. I am just suggesting that his
intentions (or lack of them) do not change your bottom line. If you wish the
communicate the same, I'd suggest something like: "I hear what you are
saying and I believe that you never intentionally set out to cheat on me. But
regardless of your intentions going into it, you still cheated. And you cheated
more than once. So you may not have gone into it wanting to be unfaithful. But
once you were unfaithful, then you did it again over the course of an entire
month. We have to deal with this regardless of what you intended to happen. We
have to uncover why you did it once and you continued to do it. And we have to
deal with why you'd go into a salon with no intentions of doing anything
inappropriate and then come out being unfaithful. The damage is done. I know
that you didn't maliciously set out to hurt me, but I am still hurt. The lack
of intentions do not mitigate the damage, which we still must deal with. I
appreciate you sharing the information with me, but it doesn't make much of a
difference. We still have to deal with it and overcome it regardless of what
your intentions were at the time. Frankly, I'm more worried about your
intentions moving forward as it is going to take a lot of work and commitment
to fix this."
Honestly, once you begin the
healing process, it should become clear that his intentions are not a huge
factor into the equation. I understand why he is trying to make this
distinction. He's trying to show you that he wasn't a bad person initially and
that he would never intentionally hurt you. But at the end of the day, he did.
And now it's time to deal with that.
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