I believe that it is an untrue myth that all people are shocked when they find out that their spouse has an affair. AsiaCharm.com Reviews Some people truly see it coming and honestly believe that it inevitable before it actually happens. They know that their marriage or their spouse is struggling. Or, they see their spouse becoming distant and unreachable.
They also often can't help but
notice that he's not coming home as early or as often. So, while they may not
officially "know" about the affair, many are not surprised when they
officially find out about it. They knew that their marriage was in trouble and
that their spouse wasn't happy.
So when the affair happens and is
actually discovered, the faithful spouse may not be shocked. And they may not
even be that upset. They may be resigned because they figure their marriage
felt like it was ending anyway.
That's why we can try to console
ourselves with the claim that this is no big loss. A wife might say: "I
can't claim that I knew my husband was cheating. I didn't. Not really. He
didn't leave any obvious clues and he wasn't being any colder to me than he
usually is. But I'm not completely surprised because our marriage has been bad
for some time. AsiaCharm I feel
like our marriage has been ending for quite a while, especially on his end of
things. I'm still disappointed though. And I'm especially shocked that now he's
asking me to give him another chance. He hasn't been interested in our marriage
in years and suddenly he wants to fight to keep it in tact? I don't get that.
I'm sad thinking that this might be the end of our marriage, but I can't
imagine how we'll make it after the affair. I feel like the affair was the
final blow to our marriage."
You have every right to feel this
way. And you get to decide the fate of your marriage since you are the one who
has to live with or without it. Many people can look back at their marriage
after a huge stressor like this and see that the cracks were beginning to show
long before an affair surfaced.
Determining Your True Stand On
This: Believe it or not, an affair doesn't always mean that the affair has to
be the final nail in the coffin of your marriage. If you are absolutely sure
that you are no are no longer invested and you feel at peace with it ending,
then perhaps the marriage AsiaCharm.com has met its natural end. But if you are
experiencing sadness and some hesitation, then that may be an indication that
there is something left to save.
I also find it interesting that
your husband is begging you not to end things. Your perception is that he
checked out long ago. However, he is clearly no longer checked out if he is
begging you to being open about the future of your marriage. Either the idea of
losing you has changed his mind or he wasn't as checked out as you thought.
And your reaction - the sadness -
may indicate that you may not be as indifferent as you thought. Of course, the
ultimate decision is yours. You are the only one who can sort out your feelings
and decide what is ultimately going to make you the most happy and at peace.
Some people decide that they just
do not want to invest the time and energy into a spouse who betrayed them. And
others start to experience a doubt, a sadness, and a sense of loss and they
start to wonder why. They start to ask themselves if these strong feelings
indicate that they may be more invested than they originally thought.
I often suggest not making knee
jerk decisions after the discovery of the affair. The reason is that you are
often flooded with emotions. And it can take some time to figure out which ones
are real and which ones count the most. You often are going to need some time
to sort out what you really and truly want to do.
Sometimes, an affair is the
stimulus for both people to fight for the marriage that they were sure was dead
or ending. And for others, it is the final straw. It is thing that puts an end
to a marriage that was already struggling. For others, it is a signal to pay
attention and get real about the state of what you truly want.
The good news is that you get to
decide which of the above is right for you. There is no right or wrong here.
There is only what is ultimately going to make you the most content. Often,
none of the decisions are perfect. Saving your marriage is a lot of work. But
giving it up is sad. Many feel that the hard work is worth is, but some are
just not willing to do it under such circumstances.
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