There are normal emotions that you can expect from a wife whose husband has had an affair: shock, betrayal, anger, fear, and insecurity to name just a few. There's one feeling that you don't hear a lot about AsiaCharm.com Reviews but that I've had more than a few people express to me - the feeling of being used.
You might hear a wife describe it
this way: "I am furious with my husband for having an affair. I feel used.
I feel like for the past three months, he was having sex with this other woman
and then he was still coming home and using my body for his own pleasure when
he was having sex with me. I feel like he was using me to mother his children
and clean his house and cook his food while he was betraying me the whole time.
But when I tell my husband this, he says that although he is very sorry for
cheating and that he is going to make it up to me, he didn't see it as using
me. He said that we both have roles in our marriage that we willingly take on.
He says that he doesn't feel used at having to go to work every day to support
our family. He says that he willingly does this because he loves us. I believe
that this is different. AsiaCharm He is not
being used because I am not cheating on him. Isn't this correct?"
It is certainly not for me to say
if you have the right to feel used of not. It's my opinion that any feeling
that you have is absolutely valid and should not be judged or debated. And to
be honest about it, I can certainly understand why you feel used. You feel as
if you were holding up your end of the marital bargain while he was not. You
feel as if he took advantage of all of the things that you were doing to be a
good wife to him and he betrayed you anyway.
Be Careful Of Where These Feelings
Take You: None of these feelings are out of line.The argument could be made
that they are pretty accurate. I would never tell you that you don't have a
right to feel them. But I would caution you that when you dwell on being used, AsiaCharm.com you feel like a victim. And when you feel like
a victim, it can feel as if some of your power is being taken away.
That is why I would suggest
adjusting your habits and your behaviors so that you feel less like a victim.
Of course you still want to parent your children. But, you may not feel
comfortable being vulnerable with your husband right now. You may not feel
comfortable sharing intimacy and emotions. You may feel like you want to pull
that back for the time being until you have a better handle of what has
happened and what his actions are going to be moving forward.
Taking Back A Sense Of Control: No,
you didn't have any choice as to whether or not he cheated and that really
isn't fair. But, you do have a choice as to what you want to happen moving forward.
And you get to decide the pace of this. You may not be able to see into the
future and you may want to wait to take any action before you have more
information. But frankly, deciding to wait and see is also a decision.
In truth, we all have our roles in
our marriages. But when one spouse is lying to the other or betrays the other,
then it can feel as if the spouse who cheated took advantage of the other. This
is understandable. And this is where the feeling of being used comes from. I
think that the first step in recovering from this is to make sure that you feel
as if you still have some power and control. One way to do this is to make sure
that it is clear that you are going to be the one making the decisions about
what you want to do moving forward.
You get to decide what you want and
need from your husband going forward. You get to decide what sort of life feels
the best to you. Will all of this ensure that you no longer feel used? Maybe
not completely. But it will be a start. And it will give you a greater sense of
control, which is important right now.
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